G’day not sure if you’ve heard but, stone the bloody crows, some Kraut greenies reckon we’re dead last in the climate policy stakes.

But what do you expect when they’ve had a sheila running the place for 16 years? We did have one of those for a while but we got rid of her quick and lively with some help from Rupert and Jonesy.

What a scream eh, when Jonesy said she should be put in a chaff bag and thrown in the ocean? And we all had a go at her for having a big arse and no fruit in her fruit bowl. All those Ditch the Witch signs were great too. We just about died laughing.

We tried to give her a bit of a legal touch up later too but the idiot judge couldn’t find anything against her and even ended up in a spot of bother himself. As the Septics say – you just can’t get good help these days.

Anyway, we don’t take dictation from Krauts. The sheila in charge there is some sort of doctor of physik, from former commie Krautland who goes to the opera a lot. Think that’s sort of red spells and magic stuff plus the sort of hobbies poofters have.

I made sure I didn’t vote for that lot getting married and my lot in the church reckon they’ll go to hell soon enough.

The Kraut sheila has got bloody awful blood dress sense too. You wouldn’t catch my Jenny dressing like that.

Anyway, thank the Lord, by the time we’ve finished with the unis there will be nothing like that physik stuff – we’ll only produce accountants, lawyers, footy coaches, preachers and baristas (whatever they are).

And let’s not forget it’s Remembrance Day this week which honours how we kicked the Krauts up the arse in the first big one and the second one too.

I’ve gotta be honest we did get some help from the Septics and the Poms and they’ll no doubt help us when The Donald gets back and we do the same to the Chinks as we did with the Viets and the camel lovers.

And don’t get me started on the frogs. We rescued them in the first big one then the second even while we were dealing with the Japs at the same time. We even built a million dollar centre for them to commemorate how we won the war.

But now some short-arsed cheese-eating surrender monkey has got the cheek to say I’m a liar – as if I would ever tell a lie or remember it if I did.

Tudgey’s gonna deal with all that anyway with the new school stuff. No nonsense about the Abos. Convicts are OK cause that’s in the family. But lots of stuff about our proud history since 1788 (hey guys can someone check the date for me?).

He’ll make sure that every teacher gives ten lessons a week on our most sacred and greatest ever victory – Gallipoli –other, of course, than when the Sharks won their last premiership. Go Sharks!

Anyway I don’t give a rat’s arse about what Kraut greenies say. Same with Aussie greenies who need to be stuck on one of our camps on an island somewhere.

I’ve got an election to win and I’ve had this beaut idea – we’re going to run on the same thing we ran before: who do you trust? It worked with Shorten and it’ll work with Albo.

I’ve even got a new slogan – can do capitalism and don’t do government. Great isn’t it? Also gets around the problem that we haven’t done too much at all let alone done it well.

I worried a bit when I first heard it but the market research gurus tell me no-one will connect the slogan with all the bungs we’ve given the oil and gas guys and our mates.

And it sends a clear message to people like private aged care providers and others. They can do what it takes to make a dollar and we don’t tell them not to.

Anyway, we’ll say that everyone will have the arse out of their pants if Labor get in; every voter will be forced to have a reffo live with them; and they’ll take all your dough.

We’ll have lots of dough for advertising which will really stick it up Albo thanks to all those guys we’ve given billions to.

But we’ll also run a real positive campaign as well – as soon as we think up some new porkies about what we have and haven’t done.