Donald Trump loves two things even more than he loves himself – gold adornment and sticking his name on things in return for money (mainly) or other forms of grifting.

His latest effort was exposed by Isaac Arnsdorf of The Washington Post (27/3).

It is hard not to have noticed that Trump loves Sharpie Pens. He uses them to highlight things and sometimes even spells correctly with them.

So far, the humble Sharpie pen has not been among the many things he and his family have sought to monetise or promote the family name.

The pens are, after all, small beer when considered alongside his plan to have his visage carved on Mount Rushmore, his signature on dollar bills (which no other sitting President has done); and his name on as many buildings as he can. All let alone the multi-million “dollar donations” he has extorted from media companies and others.

He’s happy to destroy national monuments and he has something in mind for the National Mall – presumably replacing Lincoln with his own seated statue and other assorted monuments to his ego.

But despite grandiloquent changes his grifting and self-enrichment can leap from monuments to Sharpie pens.

Arnsdorf reported that Trump had spent five minutes of a recent Cabinet meeting talking about negotiating for $5 personalised Sharpies.

It’s easy to ask WTF? in this situation because his riff on Sharpies came amidst him touting his plans to take over the John Kennedy Center for Performing Arts and his criticisms of the renovation of the Federal Reserve renovations.

Arnsdorf reported that Trump said: “This pen is an interesting example. This pen is very inexpensive, but it writes well, I like it.”

President Donald Trump then claimed that on March 26 that he’d gotten a deal on White House Sharpies but had asked the marker maker for a solution to make the pens look more official.

“I called the guy, I said, ‘I’d like to use your pen, but I can’t have a great thing with a big S on it saying Sharpie as I’m signing a $1 trillion airplane contract to buy brand new fighter jets, “Trump said.

“He says, ‘Well, I can make it nicer.’”

“I said, ‘What can you do?’”

“He said, ‘I’ll paint it black.’”

I said, ‘That’s nice.”

“‘And I can even paint the White House on it, sir, if you like, in gold.’ Almost real gold. Not bad. ‘And I can even do your signature, sir.’”

Trump went on: “So the guy said to me, ‘You don’t have to pay me, sir. I’ll give them to you for nothing.”

“I said, ‘No, I don’t want that. Let me pay you. I want to pay you.’”

“‘No, sir. You don’t have to. You’re the president of the United States.’

“He was shocked. The head of Sharpie. He gets a call. I don’t even know who the hell he is.”

“He said, ‘He’s really the president?’ He said, ‘No, you don’t have to pay me, sir. This is such an honor.’”

“I said, ‘No, I want to pay you.’”

This statement about an offer to pay is, of course, the clear and irrefutable evidence that the whole conversation was invented.

“And he said, ‘What would you like to pay?’”

“I said, ‘How about five bucks a pen?’”

“He said, ‘That’s all right.’”

Arnsdorf said: “Presented with a transcript of Trump’s account, a spokesperson for Sharpie maker Newell Brands said it did not occur.

“We don’t have any information about the conversation described,” the spokesperson said but added “We’re proud to be a beloved brand trusted by so many globally.”

Arnsdorf reported that Newell Brands said the conversation as Trump related did not happen.

He said: “The White House did not respond to requests to clarify Trump’s account, including whom he spoke with and when, and how he did obtain black Sharpies with his signature in gold.”

Given that this all comes at the same time as the latest No Kings rallies around the US it is worth recalling the UK system.

The UK system of Royal Endorsement of products is a formal recognition granted to those individuals who supply goods or services to the Royal Household a system in place since the 15th century and known as a Royal Warrant of Appointment.